March 22nd, 2001


Head for Higher Ground

I need to head for higher ground. Perhaps that sexy mexican maid will clean up mother's milk.

I think I may know the alleged burial site of Noah's ark as evinced be a recent inundation. I think history has repeated itself and a flood of biblical proportions is manifesting itself in my basement. Build the ark, head for higher ground. Damn, how many cubits long was it now.....
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    Sump Pump

There's someone for everyone. (SLUT!)

Now as I move through my basement (no longer described as walking, but rather as spelunking), I can't help but think of one of the most common english errors. When your friend is blue about the relationship game, the cliche answer is to tell him that he or she will find somebody. There is someone for everyone.

Perhaps the gloomy party may be cheered up if he actually know what his oracle-licious friend was saying. The first half of the phrase (there is someone) implies the existence of at least one person. The second part of the phrase says that this person is for everyone. So if we take the word 'for' to mean 'sleeps with', then we have a single individual who sleeps with everyone. Awfully raunchy if I may say so.

So, your consolation lexicon should be purged of this erroneous entry and in its place should be:
For everyone, there is someone.

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